Am I too ugly to date? | Life and style | The Guardian
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Pigging - the cruel new dating trend you need to know about
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Dating Unattractive Girls
Frustrated that you ventured into the solitary ugly tinder is the dating, and android. Meet ugly people meet. But there's this gross itchy feeling deep down, like you think you deserve a total dime-piece stunner and you're going to die unhappy if you aren't dating one. Or like you don't totally enjoy showing her off — we all know that proudly displaying our partner is a great feeling.
You've also dated hotter people, and you know that there's a certain testosterone tug that just isn't there in this relationship, nice as it is. It's a tough situation.
There are no clear answers here. And if you're really unsatisfied, I wouldn't blame you for ending things. But you shouldn't make this decision rashly. Specifically, think about the transitory, troublesome nature of hotness.
Since you've dated hot people before, you might have noticed something: It's not their fault. The lives of gorgeous people, specifically gorgeous women, are filled with psychological nonsense. Regardless of gender, centerfold-beauty types are showered by an inordinate amount of affection. People can't act normal around them — from spouting off ridiculous nonsense to walking into stationary objects while staring at them. Moreover, given that everyone lavishes praise on their beauty all the time, it can become hard for them to remember if they have any other worth as a human.
And all of that attention is intoxicating, even if they hate it. So it's only natural that they'd end up with an odd combination of insecurity, exhibitionism, guardedness, and neediness. That's just the natural reaction. But that doesn't mean it's easy to deal with — either for the super-hot, or for the people dating them. Maybe it's a nice problem to have, but it's still a problem. In your case, dating a ravingly attractive woman is like dating somebody with a slightly inconvenient superpower.
In fact, it is dating somebody with a slightly inconvenient superpower. Having done it a couple of times myself, I don't actually know whether it's worth it. This is just a generality, of course: Nevertheless, we all know that it's true: Maybe dating your mundanely cute best friend is a better time.
We're all just kind of expiring forever. Some of us age more gracefully than others, but nobody remains at that wonderful peak you hit in your early twenties. Maybe your style gets better, but your skin doesn't. Unless you find some sort of sexy vampire on your favorite online dating siteany woman you date, no matter how gorgeous, is inevitably going to descend to a more modest plateau of attractiveness.
So you're just going to have to get used to that, or else have an endless string of shallow relationships with younger women until you're too old to do that, at which point you'll end up alone. In summary, looks can be problematic, and they're not forever.
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Again, that doesn't mean you can't make relationship decisions based on physical attractiveness. Just make that decision an informed one.
Unlike, say, the decision I made with Kara, a girl I met in college. She was a tremendous human being. Warm, funny, honest, empathetic, enthusiastic.
Everything you'd want as a friend or a lover. The girl who embraces both your braggadocio and your vulnerability. A keeper, as they say. Everything we did together was fun. Fights were rare, and when they happened, they were civilly conducted, and over in half an hour.
At 22, I had a pretty perfect relationship. But she just didn't quite have the kind of body I thought I deserved, y'know? She wasn't unattractive, but she was a little farther from my fantasy than I'd like.